I haven't been this sober since birth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
