I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
