I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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