I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
