If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
