did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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