I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
