Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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