Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
