so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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