"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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