I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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