Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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