You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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