I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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