That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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