I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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