i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
