Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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