piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
