I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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