if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
