I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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