yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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