just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
