im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
