Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
