you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
