Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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