Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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