There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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