left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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