Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
