Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
