this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
