the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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