so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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