..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
