dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
