So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
