I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
