I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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