I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
