my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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