guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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