I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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