i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
