Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
