i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
