Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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