i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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