K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
