For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
