My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
