if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
