So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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