i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
