No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
