Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
