True but thats because hes a fetus.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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