His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
