Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
