We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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