Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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