guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
